The Constant Pull of “What If”
I’m not sure if the term FOMO is even used anymore, but it is something I have struggled with for as long as I can remember. That feeling of missing out on something constantly. It is that feeling that if I miss this one specific event it could change how deep a friendship is, or I could miss meeting the man I fall in love with, or just miss out on an epic night out and not know the inside jokes the next day. I can’t tell you the amount of times I have gone or partook in something that deep down I had little to no interest in going to but I showed up. Physically and mentally exhausted, I would do it all over the next day. I would be depleted from a full day out and still go if invited out by friends because “you never know!”. I would book another trip after just getting home from another because “you should experience it while you still can!”. There have been times when I look back and am so thankful I went. However, the majority of nights are now blurred memories or I was so concerned with other things and what the next day brought that I didn’t fully enjoy the time.
Society has built up ideas that we need to be achieving or experiencing something grand at seemingly all times. This got to me. This idea seeped into me. I’ve started a journey of trying to uncover this feeling in myself. Why do I have this overwhelming fear that if I miss out it will make me sad? Can I find peace in where I am now without jumping into something else because I think it will make me happy? Through asking these questions, I am allowing myself to truly feel where my desire is in the moment.
I have always been the person who is down for anything, but I am finding there is a greater balance required. You have to have enough energy to show up in the moments that matter. If I spread myself too thin I am physically there but mentally far away. I recently planned a hike with friends in the morning, came home made lunch in 20 minutes, met another group of friends at a brewery, and rushed to meet up for dinner & a movie with another. I was moving through the actions of this day, I surrounded myself with good people and conversation, went out and did stuff, but I now question how much of that I brought my authentic self to. I question if I was emotionally and mentally available.
I am starting to see the value in slowing down and being intentional in my interactions with others, as well as the way I spend my time. I have seen on social media the idea of romanticizing your day-to-day life. I love this idea. When you take the time to look at the ordinary or mundane things your whole day becomes so much more meaningful and interesting to live. I now walk my dog and we turn our normal walk into an exploratory 30 minutes.
When asked what brings me happiness my default answer to people is spending time with my people, traveling to experience the world, and going on adventures. However, when I stop and think about the happiest moments, they were the moments I was present. A slow morning cooking a Thanksgiving meal with a guy I loved, a hilarious night at The Million Dollar Cowboy bar swing dancing, and seeing how happy throwing the tennis ball for my dog makes him. In these moments when I noticed my surroundings, the people I was laughing with, and how I was truly present I wasn’t thinking about all the other things I may be missing out on. They didn’t matter.
As I continue this journey of being okay with not knowing the “what if” I’m working towards the practice of being present, romanticizing the days, and noticing that joy in life doesn’t always come from planning the next thing or wondering what else is out there. I’m not perfect & this is taking a lot of effort but I am already noticing shifts in daily life.
Can anyone else relate?
